Helpful Hindrance

I am first in line when it comes to requiring children to be contributing members of our household:  keep their own rooms tidy, clear their plates and / or the table after each meal. It won't kill them to put dirty clothing in their hampers, clean toothpaste blobs from the sinks, and put their shoes away rather than in the middle of the kitchen for me to trip over or for the dogs to chew. I expect Remi, almost 10, to feed her frog on Sunday and Thursday, feed her fish a pinch daily and keep a watchful eye on her birds' food tray. I expected the same from Chad, 8, and Eden, 5, except they overfed their fish to death. 

Big surprise. While children sometimes feel very pleased and proud to help set the table or complete another "help mom" or "help dad" chore, most don't instinctively ask if they can help. That is why I often find myself dragging them into daily chores they would otherwise never do, which can be a punishing move. But someone has to help round out their rough edges while they are malleable. Me. Me and Todd. And the occasional grandparent who offers unsolicited parenting advice.

Case in point. Remi was at tennis. I was home with Chad and Eden. I noticed the food bin in her bird cage was empty. Her gluttonous birds were starving and I was not going to be the grim reaper of Love Birds. I started cleaning the cage and removing the food bins for cleaning and refilling. I asked Chad to empty the tray of spent shells and bring it back with the blue-topped Tupperware bowl filled with birdseed. His first round trip produced an empty bird food holder and bird fruit balls in a purple (not blue) bag. His second round trip, if he knew how to write a memo would have said: 

Rosy and Flex

Memo

To: Mom

Fr: Chad

Re: Bird Food spilled all over the kitchen floor, rug, counter and refrigerator

Date: 1 second ago

The contents: It's not my fault. The container wasn't closed. I dropped it, but it slipped out of my hands on its own. I didn't do it. It's the persons' fault that put the container back last time.

Not vacuum savvy, despite our efforts to show the kids how it works, Chad tried to make good with our dust buster, which was probably a 1980 prototype not up to the task of sucking up five pounds of spilled birdseed. I could have managed this entire process solo, but a) I really needed the assist and b) Chad and Remi and Eden have to learn what's expected of them one way or another and how to accomplish it and c) my giving up on my kids is never an option.  

Bird Watching

After the bird seed fiasco, I rode the momentum. I asked Chad to join in on a few more chores. He helped me take out the garbage. I had him return the vacuum to its home, empty the dust pan from the broom's swept debris, shake out the dust buster. I asked him to please clean up his room, get dressed and put the spilled video games back in their cases. He also cleared his breakfast cereal bowl, hung up his robe and returned his sneakers to the shoe rack. This, I explained to him, is part of his daily job as a member of the household, not a punishment or a one-off. I tipped him off that acceptance and compliance are much easier paths than defiance and contempt. Working together, each doing our part will keep our home happy. Like Todd always tells our kids, "Happy wife, happy life." He's right. 

After a few seconds of silence, Chad turned to me before walking away and said, "is that what this is because to me it's just slavery..." Call it what you want my sweet boy, it's life in our family!