List Maker Extraordinaire

I am by nature and necessity a list maker. Listing keeps me organized and sane. I would speak to my kids in "list-ese" if it were possible. Using lists as a default style in blogging can become tedious, according to my mom, The In-House Writer, who once had to do just that for a client. But sometimes, it is just perfect. So, today, a list. I will leave the coloring and shading up to you, Reader.

Gummy bear Shih Tzu Theo

• Having just groomed the dogs, I spent half a morning pulling multiple, partially chewed gummy bears from the Shih Tzu's long hairy coat. Disgusting on so many levels.
• Attempting to open a stubborn water bottle, Chad jerkily stabbed himself an inch from his eye with a newly sharpened pencil, implanting the graphite tip in his face.
• Remi had a Q-tip dragged across her right eye, a metal device scraped across her eye and the morning before the surgery, in one last attempt at the grain of sand embedded in her cornea, a fire hydrant of water blasted at her propped open eye. Three failures meant surgery.
• Late to a pre-surgical appointment, as punishment (as if doctors never run late and keep patients waiting) Remi was made to sit in the waiting room for over an hour. She was so bored she actually begged to do her homework.
• Chad and his partner in crime Sean, jammed the wrong end of a USB cord into a video game console and it required electrical surgery which somehow they both thought I was capable of doing with my BA in English and double minor in Journalism and Judaic Studies.
• Todd has taken up yoga. Great for Todd. The first intro-to-yoga tape he bought has a running time of two hours. He is conscious in the house for only three hours each day. Do the math.
• My dad got an iPhone. He's called me 72 times with questions about his phone, from his phone. I now understand why tech support folk leave their shifts and go immediately to a shooting range.
• My mom discovered the show Celebrity Wife Swap. I now know more about Carnie Wilson's messy life than I should. I am the contestant to beat in the Jeopardy category "Things you never wanted to know about Carnie Wilson." Thanks mom for that hour-long conversation.

• I am calling Cablevision and having them disable my mother's cable boxes stat.

• A previous blog of mine about sweating now has my mom convinced that I have a thyroid disorder and maybe the beginnings of diabetes - because no longer is it possible to just sweat.
• Why am I still getting pimples? 
• Spent an entire day in the car dealership for a car that needed new brakes and tires for way too much money. Got home, took the car out that evening only to have two tail lights go out.
• Apparently dogs can smell urine on a carpet even after it’s been Nature's Miracle'd to death and will continue to mark that spot if given the chance. Those spots were in the kids' bedrooms. Ever try taking three area rugs out of rooms that look like scenery for the show Hoarders? Competing in a National Cross Fit competition is easier.
• Wasn't able to fit in a shower from God only knows when, until Thursday. Have no specific recall of my previous shower and my hair hurt to move like it does after a baseball cap has been worn for a full day.
• Helping Remi look for a top and bottom in identical shades of navy in her closet, I stepped on her kiddy stool and my foot and leg went right through it, taking the skin off my shin and sending me head first into her dresser drawers. Remi was devastated that her stool was broken, not so much that her mother was.
• I've eaten meatloaf for four dinners in a row. Clearly I'm craving protein and salt. If only our local deli sold horse-size salt licks to hang in my bedroom.
• I made cupcakes from a box to make me feel better and they were delicious, all nine that I ate.

But . . Remi's surgery was a success. She was so brave, and we are thinking about bronzing the piece of sand from her right eye for our mantle. Eden danced on the counter to “Pocketful of Sunshine,”  Chad stayed up late because he couldn’t put down the book he was reading. It’s a good life. Funny though, while the weekly list in its semi-entirety tires me out, it's not a source of stress. Therefore none of this is actual complaining. It’s just a list after all. 

Oh, and Chad's guppies had babies over the weekend...