Here's a great self-esteem booster: Try on bathing suits for vacation. Better yet, do it after eating your way through the summer and fall and ushering in winter by eating your own weight in gummy bears. In the mood for a solid dose of crushing reality? Bring your nine-year old with you. Then add overhead florescent lighting, legs that need a sharper razor and skin that looks like a warning for vitamin D deficiency. Voila, instant cocktail of misery served with a twist of temporary depression.
Hard-learned advice from a veteran: Do not let your nine-year old pick out suits for you, but do brace yourself for a running commentary that is worse than listening to this year’s political debates.
I tried on suit after humiliating suit. I wriggled into the "shaper" shimmer suit that shaped me into a pear. I jumped and jumped into a one shoulder number that pulled south so hard it left moats in my shoulder skin. I sucked myself into a two piece that left too much hanging out. Very sexy.
"Oh man," I groaned. "Another suit not making the cover of Sports Illustrated." To which Remi replied, straight as an arrow, "I think it's your hair that's making the suit look so bad." What? I had to check my winter bikini line to make sure I knew which hair she was referring to. Thankfully or not, it was the hair on my head. How my head hair so negatively affected the look of the bathing suit was left unquestioned. At least she wasn't telling me it was the dimples in my thighs or the saddle bags hanging from each knee. Although I was not spared, “How come your butt hangs out like that? and "Will my stomach look like yours when I'm old?" It's a good thing she likes my personality.
Hard-learned advice from a veteran: Do not let your nine-year old pick out suits for you, but do brace yourself for a running commentary that is worse than listening to this year’s political debates.
I tried on suit after humiliating suit. I wriggled into the "shaper" shimmer suit that shaped me into a pear. I jumped and jumped into a one shoulder number that pulled south so hard it left moats in my shoulder skin. I sucked myself into a two piece that left too much hanging out. Very sexy.
"Oh man," I groaned. "Another suit not making the cover of Sports Illustrated." To which Remi replied, straight as an arrow, "I think it's your hair that's making the suit look so bad." What? I had to check my winter bikini line to make sure I knew which hair she was referring to. Thankfully or not, it was the hair on my head. How my head hair so negatively affected the look of the bathing suit was left unquestioned. At least she wasn't telling me it was the dimples in my thighs or the saddle bags hanging from each knee. Although I was not spared, “How come your butt hangs out like that? and "Will my stomach look like yours when I'm old?" It's a good thing she likes my personality.
I'd rather have sex under xenon klieg lights on a bed of thorns than try on bathing suits. I shop for bathing suits that defy gravity and give me the most coverage and suction.
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| Honest Shopping Partner |
Todd tells me I look great. He also told me I looked terrific and skinny after gaining 70+ pounds with my second pregnancy. Todd lies to me for the sake of saving his life - I can't blame him for his survival instincts. He's lucky I'm not a female praying mantis, because when I'm through being complimented, I'd have to eat him for dinner. Todd also tells me the truth and means it, because he genuinely loves me the way I am. He tells me I should do the same, and he is right.
I have two beautiful daughters whom I hope grow up to love the women they become and the shapes their bodies take. If I can help by confidently parading myself up and down the beach a la a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, I’m in, one sexy-mom Target swim suit at a time.
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