Let it Go

Life would be so much easier if I cared a little bit less.  If I took just a pinch from the proverbial, "who really gives a shit," philosophy I could sail through my days. Except I am unable to practice what I emphatically preach.

It's not easy being the warden of responsibility to a crew of unruly inmates.  No one in the under ten cell block here cares about the daily rules I take ownership of and enforce. It's a lonely, thankless job in prison ward B.

I want teeth brushed before school and before bed. My son thinks brushing his teeth needs to only happen on the odd days of each week. Not if I can help it. I'll chase him around the house with his toothbrush at all costs. My older daughter sees nothing wrong with wearing her "lucky purple" socks for three weeks straight in 90 degree weather, despite their smelling like a rotting carcass. I can't have it, can't let it go and move on until I force her into her next pair. None of my children see anything wrong with sloppy, half finished homework. Really? It nearly moves me to tears.

Should I really care that Chad is wearing shorts today in the middle of December? No, but I do and clearly, reader, you see I am unable to let this go. I want beds made and rooms cleaned. The kids would prefer daily dental appointments to bed making and will do anything to make sure their beds remain unmade. Why do I care? I should simply shut their bedroom doors and walk away - coax it out of my mind through hypnotic suggestion - not. Can't do it. But what if I could?

What if teeth brushing happened when they remembered or finally when a best friend tells them, "you're breath stinks?" Lesson learned. What if an impromptu play date arrived at the house and a bedroom was uninhabitable? Hopefully embarrassment would set in and maybe next time a cleaned up room would replace the current stye? And maybe, I would have just a little bit more fun being "mom" after molting my Warden skin. It is a fine line that I am walking.

My Crew 

I believe our children have intrinsic responsibilities to themselves and our household. Todd, far more rigid and organized than I, supports this notion. Together, we are the Batman and Robin fighting for the good, the clean and the responsible in our children.  But when to nag, hunt and persist and when to "let it go?" Not an easy scale to balance and we don't always get it right. We measure our weights based on Health and Safety, Responsibility and Requirements.

Strong homework performance is their responsibility and is required. Making every experience our children have, a learning tool, not necessary. Brushing teeth, washing hair - required for moderately healthy living. Changing out of your purple socks, potentially qualifies as outside of what is critical - wear them if you must. Make your bed each morning - an absolute responsibility. Picking up every toy on your floor the instant you're finished with it, not a mandate.

My goal is to stress that which matters and to set free that which doesn't. It will make for a more enjoyable mommy Liza. Figuring that out is my conundrum and also my cure. Learning to give my kids credit and the leeway to figure out what's important and what isn't might be harder than resetting Rubic's Cube. But it can be done. In the interim, I'll have to settle for achieving just the blue side of the cube. Sometimes teeth won't get brushed and sometimes it will be okay. Sometimes...