Do as I say, not as I do is a faulty concept. Todd and I stand firmly behind the messages we impart to our children. We also do our very best to live them, not just preach them. This is totally easier said than done and once we leave the protective lining of our suburban home, it all seems like hogwash to our kids.
Most kids are told not to pick their noses, to use a tissue. They are also reminded that boogers are not part of a desirable food group. I don't pick my nose, nor am I tempted to eat my boogers, but I know that any child under the age of nine and most male adults like to pick their noses. Children also like the taste of their boogers, love the smell of their farts and think hand washing is optional. We enforce the No Nose Picking rule handily. Except it crumbles to ashes when we are stopped at a red light and my children watch an adult sitting at the wheel of his car, digging for gold in a nostril and then happily eating his reward. "See, people eat their boogers... it's not gross mom if he's doing it and he's a grown-up."
Washing hands is a must. Everything readable, learnable, knowable - indicates it reduces infection and prevents contagion. We remind the kids that washing hands includes wetting their hands, using soap and then drying them. I use the "Everyone does it" defense (which I do not let them use as offense when they want something) hoping to harness the power of massive peer pressure and to scare them about the biological hazards of urine and poo gone miscreant. Except when Chad comes out of a public Men's Room and shares with me that while he was washing his hands (score for mommy) a grown up used a urinal, did the shake and then left without washing his hands ergo hand washing must be optional. Ugh. Swoosh for the kid.
Try living by, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." This one is not for the faint of heart. I have found myself guilty of preaching this and then flaming out brutally. I am not proud. Reader, take a minute here and fill in your own proud moments, we all have them in surplus.
I stress always, do not take that which does not belong to you - EVER. It would be an unhappy moment to see my children leaving a restaurant with a salt shaker stuffed in a jacket. Going for a check-up is not permission to leave with 50 tongue depressors and 35 stickers. Eating at the Dolphin Dinner does not mean stuffing 12 cookies into your mouth as we exit by the cash register. Using a pen at the local bowling alley doesn't make it yours forever. It makes it yours while you are bowling. Except when the adult your with tells you she / he collects pens from hotels and other fine establishments and it's okay to secretly take it. Seriously? Two foul shots for the kids.
In our house, we abolished the old aphorism Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers. We have the Romans to thank for this beauty. The expression alludes to an ancient Roman law and has been stated in numerous different ways over the centuries. It entered our vernacular in the mid 1800s and despite NO longer being a legal precept it really is still very much alive despite what we've told them. Except my kids lose stuff all the time and when we return to the scene of the crime, we never come home with the lost treasure. Slam dunk for the Berlent kids.
Like most parents, we are the David to a Goliath of humanity that can easily undue all our personal operational progress on this front. All it really takes is one adult nose picker at a red light. Like our friends, we too recognize the uphill battle and take comfort knowing there are other parents out in the vast wilderness tirelessly doing what we are each day. Parenting is certainly very hard and nose picking really does seem simple and easy. Being the best version of yourself all the time is impossible. Giving it your all is a great start. We owe this legacy to our children. Our fortitude and integrity, our triumph over adversity, courage over cowardice, loyalty and respect as well as right over wrong is our gift to them - a message they will hopefully take and keep with them forever.
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