Where the Money Goes

Add three children to your household, or one child for that matter and the money is gone.  Luxury guilt-free dining gone.  The extra pair of brown riding boots, gone.  The romantic weekend get-a-away, gone. $6.99 on an iTunes Store application, gone.  $75.00 bottle of Cakebread Cab replaced with a cheap bottle of whatever is on sale.  Weekly manicure / pedicure, gone. Carefree Internet shopping, poof.  Gone, gone, gone.  Replacing exotic orchids for the kitchen table, done, done, done. Current economic conditions, money gone.

Nursery school and kindergarten enrichment for three, required vaccines. A good multi vitamin. School supplies, back to school clothing, after school activities, organic produce. Money, money and more money, out the door. Health insurance, doctor's appointments, referrals to specialists, spend, spend, spend. Braces and retainers, dental visits and orthotics, cash, cash, cash. Hair cuts, sneakers for constantly growing feet, backpacks and bedspreads, coin, coin and more coin. Winter jackets, winter boots, scarves and gloves, hats and snow pants, cost, cost, cost.

Flu shots are not free. School lunch is not free, neither is school snack. Teacher's gifts, holiday gifts for the crew that keeps my house moving, stamps, clarinet rentals and gas for my guzzler, not free. Dry cleaning, not free. I put the money in the bank and I take it out of the bank. Dog food, human food, shampoo, the mortgage, the cable, our phones, our insurance, our cars, our water, our natural gas, our electricity, not free, not cheap but totally necessary. College 529s, IRAs, kid's savings accounts, allowance, babysitters, life insurance, blood bank storage fee, more money, more money, more money.

Todd is the cash-flow vigilante of the family. I am charged with violating Spending Law 101.A: Buy it because we need it, not because we want it.  Todd will run in the same running shorts for five years.  He only throws out underwear when all that's left to wear is the waist band - sexy right?  He'll buy generic over brand any day. He researches and researches for the best product at the cheapest price and then haggles. He wears a suit so many times it could commute by itself to Manhattan. He keeps a cell phone longer than its life expectancy and he's quite happy to wear his white undershirts even after the arm pits are permanently yellow.  He uses toothpaste tubes until they are flatter than a single sheet of paper and unlike me, he'll buy one of something instead of 40. His shoes look like new but were bought in a previous decade. He skis on skis from his youth instead of the newer skis with the fancy technology and he never walks into a mall.

Kanani stealing my money

The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.  I'm not quite there. I struggle with need over want and browse over buy. I am rendered limp when I see cute stuffed animals that I know will bring my kids joy. What little girl wouldn't want to open Kanani, the "it" American Girl Doll for her birthday? I am a total sucker for relaunched toys from my childhood: Cabbage Patch Kids, vintage Lego, Strawberry Shortcake redux, Operation, Stratego, stickers, Mon Chi-Chis and Garbage Pail Kids. Lacrosse shorts and Jets paraphernalia are musts for Chad.  Outfits and knick knacks and candy and sparkly pencils are delights for the girls.  Kooky pens and Moshi Monsters and Go-Gos and My Little Ponies are bursting out of the bins, while our wallets are cash-a-rexic and leaner than a Gucci runway model. It has to stop.

It has to stop because if it doesn't cease immediately my kids aren't going to college and we will all be eating generic for the rest of our lives. No longer spending recklessly or excessively will also make Todd love me just a teeny bit more. He embraces frugal living. The truth is, I have to practice what I preach to my children; be happy with who you are, how loved you are and how healthy you are - not with what you have. No Kooky pen or Power Ranger makes an ounce of difference in those core values. Ultimate happiness is not bought at Saks or sold at Toys R Us. Maybe if I keep saying it, it will get more palatable. It's not easy or fun but then again neither is going through childbirth  - the rewards, however, are remarkable.

As New Year's eve approaches and the world ante's its resolution chips, my bet's in and the odds are in my favor.  Everything I need I have.  My family has its health. My kids wake up smiling each morning and fall asleep with their internal banks full of love and laughter.  My husband kisses me goodbye each morning despite my morning breath and and tells me he loves me many times throughout the day. My new niece Phoebe recently started smiling when she hears my voice and my dogs are almost house trained. My circle of friends is like a warm fire on a cold winter's day and as nice and friendly as the tellers are at our local HSBC or the cashiers are at Target, they will have to get used to seeing me a lot less often...